How to talk about money with your partner

Money has always been a huge source of conflict and stress for couples, with research consistently showing it to be one of the biggest contributors to divorce.

It can be hard to start these conversations, as discussing finances is often emotionally challenging. Yet it doesn’t have to be this way. Having open and honest conversations about money can have a positive impact on your relationship with your loved ones, helping to build trust and understanding.

These honest discussions can make all the difference, allowing both of you to find solutions and see a way through.

Here are six tips on how to talk to your partner about money.

1. Pick the right time and right place

Equally, you need to read the room. Maybe (despite your best efforts) your partner is not in the mood, so they clam up and start getting defensive. At this point, it’s important not to escalate things – give them a bit of time to cool off and return to the subject when they’re feeling calmer and ready to talk. If your partner seems anxious or upset, be mindful of how you respond—acknowledge their feelings and offer reassurance, so the conversation remains supportive and focused on emotional wellbeing.

2. Get the conversation started

If you’re not sure how to start these conversations, you might want to go in softly by mentioning someone you know who is experiencing something similar. You may have seen a news story, watched a TV programme or read a book that relates to the issue you want to discuss. Or you could use another trigger, like a bill or an annual statement, to help start the conversation. For example, you might say, “I read an article about people sharing their money concerns and thought it might be helpful for us to talk about any concerns we have too.”

Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, the more direct approach might be best. Think about saying something as simple as “I have something I’d like to talk to you about that’s been on my mind, if that’s okay?” or “I’d really love your opinion on this.” You could also start with an open-ended question to gauge how the other person is feeling, such as “how are you feeling about your/our financial situation right now?”

Starting with how you feel about a situation – e.g. “I’m worried about how we’re going to pay the bills, can we have a chat about it?” – can also remove any accusatory edge from the conversation.

3. Stay positive and constructive

You can’t expect to sort everything out in one conversation. But there’s huge value in at least admitting there’s a problem or issues that needs to be addressed, and thinking about how you can start to tackle it together.

Keep the conversation as positive as possible. You want to make the other person feel like they’ve done the right thing by talking to you, that you appreciate their honesty, and you’d like to do it again. Everybody finds these conversations challenging at times, so it’s normal to feel a bit uncomfortable. This kind of positive reinforcement will pave the way for you to have these chats on a more regular basis.

Conversations are two-way, so make sure the other person is involved and not simply a listener. Try not to interrupt so that you can both contribute.

It’s very easy to go off on tangents, so stay focused. Also, avoid starting sentences with any accusations, such as ‘you’. Instead, try ‘I think’ and ‘I feel’, to help the other person understand where you’re coming from. Talking about money with friends can also be helpful, as it allows you to share experiences and gain new perspectives.

4. Focus on solutions

Do your research beforehand so you can suggest helpful things.

For instance, you could propose speaking to your energy supplier or mortgage lender if you’re both worried about paying the bills. Or you could discuss switching a credit card onto a 0% balance transfer deal.

If debt is a concern, there are proven strategies that can help. The debt avalanche method focuses on paying off high-interest debts first to minimise the total interest paid, whilst the debt snowball strategy prioritises paying off smaller debts first for psychological wins. You can learn more about managing personal debt to find the approach that works best for your situation. It’s also important to track your progress as you pay off debts, so you can stay motivated and see how far you’ve come.

Think about others who could help you, whether that’s financial advisers, debt counselling services, or relationship counselling. Sometimes, we don’t have all the solutions ourselves, so it’s important to know when to reach out. Seeking advice from professionals or charities that offer support can make difficult situations more manageable.

5. Be smart when joining up your finances

It’s important to understand what’s involved when you tie up your finances with someone else, such as with a joint bank account.

For instance, if you take out any financial products together, your partner’s credit history will be connected to yours, and vice versa. That means any debt your partner has taken on could affect your chances of getting credit, regardless of your own borrowing behaviour.

If your partner tends to spend excessively and get into debt, be very careful about signing up for any financial products with them. You could agree to have separate bank accounts and borrowing until your partner has got on top of their debts and improved their credit score.

It’s tempting to offer to help your partner with debt repayments, but unless you both have a clear plan for how the money will be paid back, try to avoid this arrangement – being in debt to a partner can create extra friction you can both do without.

Otherwise, the question of whether you should join up all your finances or not is up to you.

Some couples prefer the convenience and transparency of having all their money in one joint account and/or using one joint credit card, but a common middle-way these days is to have one joint account from which you pay all the necessary bills and two separate, private accounts for day-to-day spending.

This arrangement works particularly well if you’re both earning your own income because it avoids (or at least reduces) tension over individual spending decisions. Having separate accounts can also help each partner manage their own spending money and stick to a budget.

The focus should be on what is practical and sustainable over the long-term.

You don’t have to adopt the attitude that “what’s mine is yours” in every respect, and it may be healthy to keep some of your finances separate just in case your relationship doesn’t work out. When joining finances, consider the costs involved and how it might impact your savings and long-term financial goals.

6. Hope for the best, plan for the worst

Moving in with someone and/or taking out a joint mortgage does not automatically create solid legal and financial rights in the way that marriage does. Unless you have a clear agreement in place for what will happen in the event of a split, you could find yourself locked in a messy, expensive dispute should the relationship end.

That’s why it’s important to having a legally binding cohabitation agreement in place that covers all eventualities. Issues you need to iron out before you take on a mortgage with someone include whether your partner has any debts, how you’ll cover the bills, how the ownership of the property will be split and who will do what in terms of housework and cooking. Planning for the future and saving together can help you move forward as a couple, ensuring you are both prepared for any financial challenges and can work towards shared goals.

Bringing this up can feel horribly cold when you’re still in the ‘honeymoon’ stage of a relationship and excited about starting a new chapter of your lives together.

However, if you emphasise that you want to do this to protect your relationship whatever happens, so you can still love and support one another even if things don’t work out, it should come across as a reasonable, sensible step to take.

So those are my top tips on how to talk to your partner about money – find a good time and place, get things off on the right foot, stay calm, look for positive solutions and don’t be afraid to clarify issues like how much to join up your finances and what should happen if you split up.

Chatting about money may not feel romantic but done the right way, it could well save your relationship.